It was Sunday August 25^th a day like so many before except John, Sean and Richard were on the 1^st tee of the Best of 5 Par Holes front 9 wondering where that Tosser Mick was so we could start our round. This was just the sort of malarkey that in the past could get Sean wobbly in a hurry but in a random act of kindness Sean produced small bowls of Ecuadorian Flan for the contestants to eat as they waited patiently for the upcoming Legend Mick. Richard clearly impatient with the late arriving Limey remarked “ Not quite Triffle but it will do” I was to ponder was this homemade Fortunately Mick showed up presently smiling like Bennie Hill sounding off with Keep Your Hair on and lets tee off.

 

Four cracker drives followed by 4 nice approach shots and 4 two putts resulted in 4 birdies. Things were all Tickety-boo heading to the 2nd Tee box Rich and Mick seemed chuffed as nuts with their performance. Sean eyeing the beverage cart and fancying himself a cocktail approached the Brits about what they would be drinking should they wish to join him, Sensing Sean was attempting to get a leg up on them by getting them pissed Mick uttered bugger off Ya Mexican.

 

 On the second hole while attempting to tee off Richard discovered that the round had been set up with a 45 second clock and incurred a warning from WGT. To which Sean, the Tall drink of water from below the Equator apologized  “You need watch the Clock forgot to mention it’s a 45 second timer”, Richard responded “Thanks Mate”. In a feeble attempt to lighten the mood John a quiet unassuming Lad from the Southwest US started to unleash a volley of British slang intended to disarm the increasingly irritated Limey’s.

 

The second hole yielded the rounds only eagle which capped off a great hole by Mick and put him 1^st off the tee on Hole 3 and in the lead by a stroke. John, Richard and Sean settled for birdies and were left in the dust trailing Mick to the next tee, Sean was not pleased He congratulated Mick with “Very nice eagle beauty” but could be heard exclaiming That dirty skiver he’s playing like a Legend. Next Up was the 3^rd Hole at Olympic a dauntingly long hole with a  narrow drastically Right to left slopping Fairway 40—50 rough and a well protected green that has some huge undulations.

 

The 3^rd hole yield Pars for Mick. Sean and Richard and a birdie for the Arizonan, All were Happy to leave that monster in our wake. JP was 1^st on the tee looking at the 2^nd hole at Cabo. A 13mph Tailwind had thoughts of another cracker drive. These thoughts were quickly dashed as he clicked way way way too early and was lucky to avoid a lost ball. The two Brits and American expat all went straight and deep off the tee setting up their eventual two putt birdies. JP approached his tee shot in the waste area and bellowed Crikey I’m hitting from Guatemala. A hard sand shot back to the fairway and a pushed approach resulted in a par and fortunate sand save. Sean leaned in and mentioned to JP Crikey wasn’t a British saying it was Aussie and something like you don’t wanna sound like a wanker. Next up was the 5^th hole at St Andy’s One would think tailor made for these Brits. But noooooooooooo gale force winds Hollowing off the ocean to the right of the hole made for ridiculously short tee shots by all. Being short lead to tough decisions on the second shots could the bunker and fescue be cleared or was the safe play to the other fairway to the left JP, Mick and Richard opted for the safe route to the left fairway. Sean cannoned a 3 wood into 20-25 just missing the fairway beyond the bunker and fescue. Sean and Mick were able to get up and down for their birdies JP and Richard falling further back settled for Pars. On to the 6^th Tee at St Jorge with Sean gleaming and a pep in his step.

 

11 mph headwind faced the group all found the fairway. Mick, Sean and Richard found the green with their approach shots JP was left with a pitch to within a yard. Putting Yielded 3 Birdies and a par for Mick. Sean clearly on a roll was seen striding confidently to the next tee the rest of the group wondering how we would make up strokes with these unforgiving winds.

 

Making up strokes and catching Sean was not in the cards the 7^th hole at Bethpage Sean again used his considerable skills set to birdie while Mick and Richard carded pars and JP used his pencil to record the lone Bogey of the round to which Sean remarked FOCUS you can do better.

 

Sean -6  Mick -5  Richard -4 JP -4

 

K-Island and Whistler were next The 8^th hole at K-Island saw 4 deep fairway drives, Sean and Richard flew the green with their approach shots only to flop back for Birdies while Mick flopped up from in front of the green and one putted for his Birdie, JP in a woeful exhibition had to blast out of 40-50 second cut next to some mulch two putted for par accompanied by some unintelligible muttering. Could have been more British Slang who knows.

 

The group approached the last Tee everyone exchanging pleasantries. The Brits apologizing for the Boston Tea Party and going on about what a good time was had by all. Teeing off 1^st yet again Sean was all business and rifled his drive long and left of the center setting up another Easy birdie. The three trailing contestants all followed with fairway drives of varying lengths Richard was able to get up and down for a birdie while JP and Mick settled for 2 putt pars.

 

Sean -8 Mick -6 Richard-5 JP-4

 

Sean seizing the moment declared I’m buying the cider you Sheila’s and off to the bar we went all the while thinking this Sean would make a Fine Club owner someday.

 

Slang translation

 

Chuffed as Nuts- Pleased with one’s self

 

Keep your hair on-don’t be impatient

 

Tosser-well-you-guessed it

 

Wanker-see above definition for tosser